Gabirel
I noticed I was looking at guys differently than I had before in my childhood.
But I didn’t think much about it until I heard what people had to say or comment about people like me.
I can remember hearing what people in my surroundings said about LGBTQ+ people, from jokes at my Christian school to the hurtful comments when same-sex marriage was legalized to condemnation in Church pulpits.
Pronouns: he/him/his/they
Photo of Gabriel
These experiences made several things in my life become a reality: I’m a bad person, God does not and will not love me, and I will never be able to come out.
These thoughts became internalized in my head, leading me to experience a lot of self-hatred. I even reached the point where I didn’t want to be on this earth anymore. These experiences pushed me to pray: 'God if this part of me prevents my salvation and your love, then wipe me out, don’t let me wake up.' As the years went on, I started coming out to certain people, but my faith and view on who I was started to take a toll on me. I went through a roller coaster of emotions, from trying to change by making up crushes on girls to avoiding the subject by choosing life abstinence for myself.
After the passing of my mom in 2020, I sat down with God to see what He truly had to say about me specifically, and the LGBTQ+ community generally. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t easy as I noticed that most of our churches have an easy time talking about us and not with us.
I advise anyone, whether affirming or non-affirming, to listen to the experiences of those that are hurting and let the Holy Spirit guide you. Believe me, you’ll find a lot more than what you think you already know. I’m happy to say that, even though there’s still more to go, I find myself in a much better and more affirming place!
Photo of Gabriel
